A typical flying day (part 3)

So having convinced myself and Bob that the plane is fit to fly, I get in. This is no small achievement. I plug my headset in and hang it over the control yoke. The seat needs to be pushed fully back and then I heave myself into the plane while simultaneously trying to make sure the cushions don’t slip out of place.  Then I need to get the seat position/seatbelt done up/door closed combo done in the correct order without strangling myself on my headset wire*.

Once we are both strapped in I have a checklist to follow. This is where I transform from feeling like an uncoordinated hippo to a real pilot. I get to say cool things like “Master, On. Mixture rich, throttle set 1/8^th inch) and flick switches, just like a proper pilot. Then you yell out the window “CLEAR”.

If I’m in SAR this is usually followed by a moment of embarrassed silence as I realize that yet again , I’ve put the wrong bloody key in the ignition**. If I’m lucky then the engine starts first time and I’ve even remembered that I need to be on the brakes to stop the thing lurching forward and wiping out the air ambulance.

Next you faff around with the radios a bit, there are 3 frequencies that I need to set; ATIS, Ground and Tower. ATIS gives you the current weather and airport info; winds, altimeter setting, runway in use that kind of thing. It has a letter designator. They start at Alpha and go through to Zulu, presumably then they recycle the letters. You tell ATC which info you have by saying “with information <Delta>”. It confuses them when you make up your own words. There is no information “Mango” for example!

Ground is who you speak to when taxiing around the place. You switch to Tower when you are ready to enter the runway. They don’t like it when you mix them up but occasionally they try to screw you over by having the same person talking to you on both frequencies, making you wonder if you’ve remembered to switch. Anyways I’m getting ahead of myself, we still haven’t moved yet!

I get to the bit on my checklist that says “obtain taxi clearance”. I take a final look round to remind myself which plane I’m in (again ATC get tetchy if you forget), glance down to remind myself what ATIS info we are on and take a deep breath before pressing the radio trigger. What follows is a brief conversation whereby I tell ATC who I am, what I want and where I plan on going. In return they fire a stream of information at me so rapidly that to the average human being it is merely a string of syllables ran together so closely as to be considered a whole new language. I ignore most of it but we eventually agree that I won’t pass a certain point without being told. Otherwise known as reading back your hold short instruction.

Now, after 2 and a half posts I can actually get the damn thing moving. I apply some power, it moves forward, so far so good! I taxi out carefully and slowly, trying not to hit anything/one on the way. Occasionally I even manage to do it in a straight line. You might be under the impression that we are now ready to take off!

Not yet I’m afraid! Next comes the “run up checks”. If I’m lucky I’m heading to runways 24/26 which have a nice little run up area where I can park my plane without it being in danger of getting stuck in the grass or ingested by a Dash 8. If I’m on 08 then I’m short of luck and have to point it and hope for the best.

Run up checks are conducted at about 1600 rpm (with the brakes firmly on!) and pointing roughly into the wind. This necessitates you spotting the windsock and lining your plane up to match. Again there follows a few minutes of flicking switches and reading dials and generally pretending to be a proper pilot. After that I give my carefully prepared and rehearsed GO/NO GO spiel.  Basically going over where I’m taking off from, what speeds I’m going to do various things at and what I plan to do if it all goes horribly wrong.

Once all this has been achieved I pootle off in the general direction of the runway, keeping a sharp lookout for other planes, switch to the tower frequency and try not to cross the point we previously agreed on.

After that I think its time to wait for the next post!

 *they don’t teach you how to do this in groundschool. They should.

** For some reason, unknown to me, SAR has two keys on the key ring, both of which fit in the ignition and only one of which actually turns. Sod's law everytime I pick the wrong key.