Yes the winds were challenging but I was nailing those landings albeit with a lot of swearing. Understand that my biggest fear is getting out there and the conditions changing so that coming back is a problem. I could handle it though. They were the best crosswind landings I had ever done and I was riding out the random gusts enough to spot what they were doing to my airspeed before it all got too pear shaped.I should have gone, that simple. And yes it may have been bumpy out there and yes I may have gotten shaken in my seat a bit, but I’m going to have to suck it up and work through it.
As soon as I landed, shut down and headed in to dispatch, I was regretting my decision. It wasn’t a wasted flight, because the crosswind stuff was really valuable but it wasn’t optimal by a long stretch. Next time I’m simple not going to give myself the option. I will ask Bob if he is happy for me to go out there solo. If the answer is yes then that’s my only option.I hate myself right now.