Thursday 18 September 2014

It’s the simple things….

That terrify me sometimes (OK all the time!).

Now that I’ve proven to myself that I can fly a plane to flight test standards (mostly!), I’ve obviously got to start fretting about something else.

In this case it is the dreaded passenger briefing. Actually there are three of them.

Three of them that I’ve pretty much been able to avoid by mumbling “thisiswhereiwoulddothepassengerbriefing” at the appropriate time and hoping that Bob wouldn’t notice.

Well he has!

Damn.

The real issue I have with them is the whole “pretend” factor. I haven’t been giving Bob the delight of my passenger briefings because, quite frankly, he knows a lot more than me and I don’t find it hard to acknowledge this. I never was very good at the pretend thing, I can’t pretend that Bob is a clueless passenger any more than I can pretend to like some of the utter morons I work with.

So what are these problematic briefings I hear you ask?

Numero Uno

The “as pilot in command I’m about to assume responsibility for you so here’s how not to die on the ramp and getting into my plane” briefing*

This covers a whole whack of stuff, right from where you can smoke (hint: nowhere!), how to get into the plane, how to adjust the seat, how to open the door and how to work your seatbelt.

I am NOT qualified to give this advice. It took me 10 hours of lessons before I figured out how to work the door and seatbelt together, maybe another ten before I figured out how my headset came into the mix. I’m sure Bob spent most of our first 20 or so lessons together sitting patiently as yet again I attempted to garrotte myself on my own headset wires. After that I didn’t get any better, he just started sending me into the plane 5 minutes before him.  Either he was bored with trying to hide his amusement or he was secretly assembling an audience to join in the fun. There’s probably video footage somewhere.

Part Deux

The “yes the reason you can hear me very clearly now is because our engine has quit and we are about to make what I’m going to euphemistically call an off airport landing, you may know it as a CRASH” briefing

Actions here include telling people to take off anything sharp and cushion their face before we “touch down”! Oh yeah and crack open the door now in case we can’t afterwards. And if you could hit the big red switch that I specifically told you not to touch before we get out, someone might eventually come looking for us.

How much of this a panicked passenger might take in is anyone’s guess. I don’t care.

I’ll be trying to land the plane.

The Third

The “yes the engine is still going but we are going to have to put it down in a field anyways” briefing
Many reasons for this and probably the briefing would be tailored to the demands of the situation. It might be a dodgy sounding engine, in which case it’ll go more like #2 on the list. Or it could be a sick passenger, it which case it’ll probably just consist of “GET IT IN THE BAG PLEASE!”




It’s all too stressful. In real life I know my potential passengers and would be fine speaking to them and telling them what they need to know. I can’t do that with Bob and I’m going to struggle with the examiner.





*these may not be the official designations!



3 comments:

  1. "sitting patiently as yet again I attempted to garrotte myself on my own headset wires" LOL I know EXACTLY what you mean. As a short student pilot at 5'4" who has to pull the seat all the way forward, getting tangled in the headset wire is a common issue for me that I must attack aggressively yet meticulously each time I get in the plane, and also when I get out. There's been more than once I thought I was going to be dangling out of the door by my ankle. Equally embarrassing for me is the ridiculous amount of time it sometimes takes me to sort out the seat belt situation. I try to inject humor by making fun of myself, but I really do feel like a bumbling idiot with the shoulder harness at times. Thankfully my instructor is a patient man LOL. Wanted to let you know I really enjoy your blog and your videos. I'm a fellow student pilot, expecting to solo in about 2 weeks. Thanks for sharing your experience, it's very helpful, insightful, and encouraging!

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    Replies
    1. Ok well , you need to redefine your definition of "short". you have 4 inches on me easily!

      Don't worry about being clumsy on the ground. Most planes are too! It's in the air where it counts.

      For the record I have fallen over, off, and out of* my plane at times!

      I'm going to link to your blog!! . I'm looking forward to reading about your first solo!

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  2. Been a busy week, just now getting time to reply :)

    Duly noted on the definition of "short." If the seats in our old bird (1975 172M) articulated better I wouldn't think much of it. But they don't seem to raise quite the way they are supposed to, so I had to resort to other measures not long after I started - found a used 3" pilot seat cushion on eBay for next to nothing.

    The fact I have to sit on a 3" cushion to see over the panel and past the nose doesn't help my ridiculous insecurity about my height. Didn't do much for my self esteem the first time I was installing it, but once I sat on it and could see, it actually did give me a shot of confidence and made me much more comfortable in the cockpit.

    Thanks for linking btw! Solo has been pushed back at least a week, need some work on my landings yet (you'll see in my latest post) but it will definitely be soon!

    ReplyDelete