What do you care what other people think?

I try to live my life by the above motto, a favourite saying of my all-time physics hero. And the truth is most the time I don’t. I don’t usually care what I look like. I don’t care what people think of the language I use and I don’t care what people think of pretty much anything else about me. There are a couple of exceptions though. I care if people think I’m stupid. I care if people think I’m incompetent.

Today I think ATC thought I was both of the latter and that bothers me a little bit. Not enough that I'm pulling the “should-I-be-flying” angst routine, but enough that I’m going to have to review the video carefully to figure out just what happened as ATC and I had a little bit of a communication issue up there.

I had to do a 360 for spacing and was told to report re-established on the downwind. I did the 360 but then it got a bit messed up. I think I thought I was on the downwind, ATC kept telling me to re-establish on the downwind. I have a suspicion that I got sucked into the rookie mistake of following the shoreline rather than flying parallel to the runway, I think. Still not 100% sure at this point. They kept telling me to follow traffic that I kept telling them that I couldn’t see (it was very hazy out there).

By the time they called my base turn I was pretty much abeam and at the same altitude as a large smoke stack. They told me to turn base. I told them I would have to make it a 270 to avoid the stack. I got told to “do whatever you need.” In a slightly snotty tone.

A month or so ago this would have shook me up sufficiently that I would have called it a day after one circuit, but the new improved WMAP with added confidence realised that she was established on final at 65 knots with the centre line in sight at a decent altitude and basically no harm done. I was gonna carry on this flight no matter what.

And I did, for 3 more circuits and that was probably the best lesson I could learn from this. I just don't like ATC thinking I'm useless. I know I'm learning but "The Student Who Got Lost in the Circuit" is one distinction I could do without.

And therein lies the problem, I know I probably screwed up but I really resent the "stupid student" tag I feel I flew with for the rest of that flight. I wish I could dismiss this stuff as easily as Bob does.
"It's a challenging environment out there, you did great!" is his take on it. Whereas my mind thinks that the "plane police" are going to come knocking on my front door any moment now. These controllers deal with two gazillion planes per day, they are never going to remember what I did last time. Hell chances are I'll not even get the same controller.

I do have to stop caring what other people think. I'm a student pilot, It's practically my job to screw up.