Deciding not to decide.

I’m not sure what has happened to my mindset at the moment. Maybe the enforced break from flying , or at least from flight training has derailed me a little.

Before the break I had a good mental picture of where I was achievement wise and where I needed to be. I had a plan and I communicated it. I had a good idea in my head of what I wanted to achieve every lesson. I knew if I was going solo, what I was going to practice and the standards I needed to achieve.

I was very conscious of the fact that I didn’t know what to expect for my next flight, I’m well out of solo currency for a start. I wasn’t sure if the plan was for me to solo after a few check circuits, or if Bob would want to do a dual lesson to see how much rust there was to shake off.

I decided to just go with whatever; dual, solo, it didn’t matter much. Except it quickly became obvious that Bob was talking cross country.

Hmmm, to be honest I thought I’d have a couple more flights before I ended up back here, contemplating the subtleties of navigating different categories of airports and the such. So I will be honest and say that the old anxiety reared its ugly head again. Nothing major but definitely that feeling in the pit of my stomach again. The old combo of fear and excitement.

I texted back my usual tale of woe, my lack of faith in my abilities etc. And as usual Bob offered me an “out”. A slightly lower demand flight, but still with learning value.

I contemplated this option for a while, the soft option seemed appealing, the cross country daunting beyond belief. But then again everything about flying has seemed daunting at some point and inevitably Bob has had a better handle on my abilities than me.

So I made a decision. I decided not to decide. I honestly admitted to Bob, that I didn’t feel I could decide. Despite the fact that usually being in control of your own training is a good thing, I really felt that I needed to leave this in the realm of the professional, aka Bob.

Bob’s opinion, of course, was that we should try for the dual cross country. He offered me one final “out” saying he’d understand if I needed more time to prepare.

The truth is though that I’m on a four day weekend, there isn’t really going to be a better time. I’m still not sure I feel ready but I’m going to give it a go.